If Junior Failed to Qualify at Vegas, It Would be the End of The World as We know It
By Greg Engle
Editor, Cup Scene Daily
March 7
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One of the biggest stories in the world of sports this week concerned soccer player David Beckham whose name in Europe means “I am more popular than God’.
It seems Beckham will be sidelined for a month with an ‘owie’ on his knee. Financial markets in Europe reacted to the news by shuttering their doors and giving their employees the day off to go home and ‘mourn’. This caused pubs to fill up early and several fights-they call them ‘tiffs’ in England- broke out when there were not enough darts to go around.
The American stock market reacted to the closing of their European counterparts by giving everyone an extra hour for lunch along with discount coupons for Lattes at Starbucks.
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But what no one can foresee, in fact what no one can possibly be prepared for is a story here in America that could make the Beckham story look like a children’s nursery rhyme.
NASCAR rules guarantee only the teams who were in the top 35 in points at the end of 2006 a starting spot in the first five races of this year. But if NASCAR used this year’s top 35 in points instead, Dale Earnhardt Junior who is currently 41st in points may just have been watching this week’s race from the sidelines. Because the sports most popular driver would have to qualify on speed for this weekends UAW 400 at Las Vega Motor Speedway. Not that he couldn’t pull it off, but had there been so much as a burp during his qualifying, it could have been the shot heard round the world.
Dale Earnhardt Junior, whose name in America means ‘I am more popular than god and David Beckham combined’, missing a race would be like the queen of England posing for a Playboy centerfold because ‘older people are sexy too’. The results wouldn’t be positive if that happened (although I have it on good authority that her highness has a cool tattoo she got one night when she snuck out of the palace to quaff a few ales with the lads)
Same thing if Earnhardt missed a race only magnified. If Dale Junior missed this week’s race the panic in the streets and the ensuing fallout could shake the United States of America to its very core. Just imagine:
Governors in 22 states and the District of Columbia have already alerted National Guard units and the New York Stock Exchange has asked former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani to watch the door ‘just in case’.
The President has reportedly gotten state of disaster declarations ready to sign and the Vice President has been taken to an undisclosed location because ‘there’s never a bad excuse for a party’.
The US Army’s secret Delta Force has been moved closer to the Las Vegas Speedway and is prepared to rescue NASCAR officials should the need arise. Reportedly should the unthinkable happen, plans are also in place to send NASCAR officials into exile on the island of Elba off the coast of Italy for an undetermined amount of time. Sources say that the island government is preparing for the possibility and they have a really cool McDonald’s complete with a Napoleon theme.
CNN, FOX and MSNBC have recalled their war correspondents back to America from Iraq and Afghanistan. They include the famous award winning female reporter Christiane Amanpour who wants to cover the story because ‘Junior is really hot’.
The tension would have been building as qualifying day approached; as America waited for what could be a monumental and pivotal day in its history.
Boys and girls if this humpty dumpty fell off the wall, all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men wouldn’t be able to save anything… of course that’s because they’ll be off buying the latest issue of Playboy.
Greg Engle the Editor and owner of the Cup Scene Daily, is seeking employment in the Motorsports journalism industry.
In 2006, he traveled to 34 of the 36 races on the NASCAR schedule. He is a National Motorsports Press Association award-winning columnist and has worked for the Sporting News. He has been bylined in newspapers across the country, including the Cleveland Plain Dealer, the L. A. Times and the Atlanta Journal Constitution through the NASCAR Wire Service and Scripps Howard newspapers. He has been featured on NASCAR.com, That’s Racing.com, ESPN and Fox Sports. He is also the host of the nationally syndicated radio show Speed Talk Live which is currently appearing in 78 markets in the US.
If you or your outlet is interested please email him at greg@cupscene.com
NOTE: I'm a one man show, not supported by anyone. If you wish to donate to help offset expense, it would be appreciated:
 
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