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SHIP OF FOOLS
Bruton Smith Buys Daytona,Junior Quits DEI and other made up stories
By Greg Engle
Cup Scene Daily,April 1

April Fools Day. One of my favorite days of the year. Although this year I promise not to call my mom and tell her that I'm moving back in with them.

Here are some other stories that I made up for today though.

Hope they give you a grin or two. Make sure to come back tomorrow after I announce the details of my new ride with Richard Childress.

Hah, April fool.

Bruton Smith Buys Daytona

Bruton Smith’s SMI purchased Daytona International Speedway today, he then put it up for sale on Ebay.

Starting bid, 01.

“That’ll show ‘em,” he said.

International Speedway Corporation immediately filed suit in US District Court in Texas.

Dale Earnhardt Junior Quits DEI, Signs with Roush Racing

In a bid to turnaround what has so far been a lackluster season, Dale Earnhardt Junior today left DEI and signed with Roush Racing. The deal will reportedly cost Roush 14 billion dollars, Carl Edwards and a driver to be named later.

Roush was unavailable for comment last night as his PR person said he was out celebrating. When reached for comment Dale Jr. said “Who are you and how did you get this number?”

Brian France named head coach of the Oakland Raiders

Brian France today again denied reports that he will be stepping down from his post as CEO of NASCAR and taking over as head coach of the Oakland Raiders.

When asked about the report that he had purchased the team France said,” Maybe”.

When asked why he was wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey he said, “The color works well with my eyes, that’s all, nothing more.”

When asked to confirm the report France said, “Denied, denied, denied…um but I will be unavailable for media interviews during the NFL season.”

Richard Petty comes out of retirement

Bucking the recent trend of older drivers announcing their retirement, seven-time champion Richard Petty announced today that he would be returning to Nextel Cup Series competition. “It’s about time I stepped in and tried to turn this team around.” He said. Petty will partner with newly hired crew chief Junior Johnson.

In a related announcement Dodge Motorsports unveiled a special “Richard Petty” Charger. The Charger has a special wing on the rear deck lid; mirroring the 1969 Dodge Petty drove to victory several times in that fabled season. In another related development NASCAR director of competition John Darby met with the media and showed off the new templates that will be used only on the special Petty car. When questioned if he felt that the special templates might give Petty an advantage due to the fact that they were made of rubber, Darby quipped, “Shut-up and mind your own business.”

Fox broadcaster and former driver Darrell Waltrip also held a news conference reportedly to announce his own return to competition, but since no one cared, no one bothered to attend so the report is as of yet, unconfirmed.

F-1 star Michael Schumacher signs with Hendrick Motorsports

Formula one champ Michael Schumacher has signed to drive for Hendrick Motorsports. “We now expect to win every race we enter in 2006.” Team owner Rick Hendrick said.

When reached for comment, Schumacher said, “Who are you and how did you get this number?”

Tony Stewart buys another Speedway

Tony Stewart is the proud owner of another Speedway. Stewart, who already owns the historic Eldora Speedway, is now the owner of Daytona International Speedway.

“I came across it on Ebay,” he said. “Heck, for three cents is was definitely a real bargain.”

International Speedway Corporation immediately filed suit in US District Court in Indiana.

Robby Gordon lays out plans to run an entire double season

Robby Gordon will run the entire season schedules of the Indy Racing League, the NASCAR Busch Series and the NASCAR Nextel Cup series in 2006.

“We can do this,” he said. “Why just stop with a Charlotte-Indy double?”

Rusty Wallace gets a job

Veteran driver Rusty Wallace announced today that he has found a new career. Wallace, who is in the midst of his final year of NASCAR racing, has been hired as an Elvis impersonator at the MGM Grand hotel in Las Vegas starting in 2006.

“He’s a perfect fit,” MGM spokesman John Finkelmeyer said. “Besides his only salary requirement is a steady supply of Miller Lite beer.”

When asked about his audition, Finkelmeyer said, “He was amazing, you really felt that Elvis was in the room. Then someone pointed out that Elvis and Rusty were never seen in the same room together and we hired him on the spot.”

Chip Ganassi signs driver to development contract

Chip Ganassi racing signed 2-year-old Brandon Meyers to a long-term development contract today.

“You should see this kid on a big wheel.” Ganassi said.

Bristol announces expansion plans

Officials at Bristol Motor Speedway announced today that they would add an additional 1 million seats. “You can never have enough seats and we expect them to sell out within hours.”

International Speedway Corporation immediately filed suit in US District Court in Tennessee.

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